“I was born from this hell.”

Growing up with an alcoholic pig of a dad, a suicidally-depressed mom, a heroin addict of a brother, a plethora of health conditions, and about enough money to make Oliver Twist seem rich, life has been far from kind to Hannah Azok. 

So one might say it was only natural for her to turn to the addictive substance to end all addictive substances: video games.

Though conditioned to believe life is nothing more than a series of unfortunate events, Hannah Azok resolved to remain… well, resolute. On the eve she’d finally lost it all in a real-life “WILSON!” moment, watching her beloved Surface Pro, Zelda, blink out of existence before her eyes mid-sentence of her then-current NaNoWriMo novel, she made a vow: Finish. The. Book. If JK Rowling could write Harry Potter on napkins, then goddammit, Hannah Azok could write her story in her own blood.

(Shh… yes, Hannah Azok realizes that JK Rowling didn’t actually write Harry Potter on napkins.)

Since that day – with the memory of poor, sweet, innocent Zelda in her heart – she’s remained vigilant in her writing, slowly but surely perfecting her craft while waiting – like a viper – to strike when the time was right. When the time came to share her hard-earned knowledge with her fellow adventurers in this often-hellish video game of life. 

That time? 

Right the fuck now, adventurer. 

Carmen Sandiego wannabe by day, and that nerd that lives in her mom’s basement by night, when Hannah isn’t traveling the world, playing video games, or speaking about herself in the third person, she can be found… well, truth be told, she probably can’t be found. Some say she is a shapeshifter, others, a servant of The Many-Faced God. Some doubt she even exists at all. 

But one thing is certain: her legendary kernels of knowledge can be found on this website. 

For some reason.